I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
