We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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