remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
