Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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