I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
