i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
