Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
