the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
