you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
