I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
