She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
