hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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