Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
