I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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