idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
