I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He did a backflip because drugs
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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