i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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