Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
