Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
