so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
