I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
