Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
