hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
