there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
