Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
