my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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