: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
