Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
