Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
