Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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