Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
where am i from again
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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