he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
