i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
