I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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