The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
