I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
