the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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