Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
