It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
