I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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