they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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