I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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