I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
