How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
