Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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