I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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