his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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