i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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