Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
