i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
