Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
